I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
