He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
