this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
