i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
