Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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