so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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