3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
