So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
