Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
