Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
