if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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