Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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