Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
