I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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