I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
