my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
