I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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