why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need a beard to bite.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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