Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
