the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
