my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
