honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i've created a new STD.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
