If you die in college, do you die in real life?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
