if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
