How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
