Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize