the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
