I just made out with a guy for $7.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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