You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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