operation have a gay friend backfired
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
