I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just cropdusted the office
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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