I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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