I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
