we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I supernannyed him into submission
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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