why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
