just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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