Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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