So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
