Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
