Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize