I should be sponsored by Trojan
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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