instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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