Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
