just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found your dick twin last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
