I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
