he wants to bone in the snuggie
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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