Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
