I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
