Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
