There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
