Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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