On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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