She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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