it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
