Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
