Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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