Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
