His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize