I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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