hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
