there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
