Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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