somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
