im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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