If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
