my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
