remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
