this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
