did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
