I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
