HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
