That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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