apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
