you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
