Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
